A Black day, indeed
by reallyanonymous
Summary: The Anonymous Author gets revenge on one Marauder era Sirius Black.Disclaimer: Implied sexual references with various characters. Not at all canon. Nothing graphic. Some strong language.
1. Sexiness is in the Eye of the Beholder

Sexiness is in the Eye of the Beholder

James Potter had already finished school, but that didn't stop him from wanting to spend time with his best mate, Sirius Black, also known as Padfoot. Of course, Padfoot wasn't going to actually attend his classes. He had less of an incentive to do so now that his mate James had arrived.

The two, wanting to satisfy their oral fixations, snuck off to the boy's bathroom…to smoke. They sat on the counter, smoking.

Sirius had never realized how attractive James was before, but now that he wasn't wearing glasses he could see his face better. He wondered why James didn't wear his glasses anymore. Maybe he was so hot that his eyes healed themselves.

"What was that, Padfoot?"

Oh shit, Sirius had been thinking aloud again. "Uh…"

"How long have felt this way about.. my eyes?" James asked, looking around the bathroom nervously.

"I've always had an eye for you, Prongs," Sirius said, grinning to make it look like he was joking. "With your crazy hair, and your glasses that you apparently no longer need. The only thing that would make you hotter is a scar."

"I agree," said James. "But that's for another story." James chuckled a little. "You know, I've always thought your eyes were rather dashing, as well. Too bad you don't have red hair."

"I'll dye it for you, Prongs. Anything for you."

It was very hard for both boys to tell if the other was joking, or being serious. They continued their banter, waiting to see which would crack first.

"I've finished my fag," said James, tossing the cigarette in the sink.

"Care for another?" asked Sirius, with a mischievous gleam in his eye.

James wanted to see if Sirius would really follow through with this 'joke.' He hopped off the counter and moved to straddle Sirius, leaning in to kiss him on the mouth. He wasn't really expecting Sirius to kiss back, but he did. And Merlin, was he a good kisser.

After what seemed like forever, they broke their passionate kiss. Sirius pulled James into one of the stalls, and started taking off his clothes. He wanted to see what it was like to ride the powerful stag that was James Potter.


	2. Walk Softly and Carry a Big Wand

Walk Softly and Carry a Big Wand

Sirius slowly walked to the headmaster's office.

Fuck fuck shit fuck fuck.

"Mr. Black, you really shouldn't use such language," Albus said. "At least, not within earshot of the headmaster," he added, with a twinkle in his eye.

Sirius had been thinking aloud again! Shit! "Uh.. Sorry, Professor," Sirius stammered as he stood in the hallway awkwardly.

"Now, now, it's all right," Albus said gently. "Please, come into my office. We need to discuss your extra-curricular activities of late. I know what you've been doing in the bathroom."

Sirius' eyes went wide, and his face began to pale. "I…"

"You know smoking isn't permitted on school grounds, Mr. Black."

"Oh, smoking," Sirius Black said with a sigh of relief. "Right, right."

"It isn't at all healthy, Mr. Black. I'm concerned. Not only for your academics, but for you. As a person. For your own good, I feel I must teach you a lesson. Now take off your pants."

Sirius blinked and took a step backward.

The headmaster winked. "You aren't the One and Only Emma Frost, but you'll do."


	3. Curiousity Doesn't Always Kill the Cat

Curiousity Doesn't Always Kill The Cat

Sirius ran through the hallways frantically, trying to find the quickest way out of the school. As he turned the sharp corner, he ran into a certain extremely attractive redhead.

"Watch where you're going, Black," said Lily Evans, regaining her balance. She was looking intently at Sirius, almost as if she were scheming.

Oh shit, oh shit. Did she know? Did she know?

"Did I know what, Black?"

Crap! He'd been thinking aloud again! "Nothing, Evans, it's nothing," he said quickly, trying to back away.

Lily grabbed him by the arm, leaning in close to whisper in his ear. "Did I know what you and James were doing in the bathroom?"

Sirius was starting to panic yet again. He was afraid of what she would do, but at the same time he was sort of aroused.

This wasn't the first time Lily had been so close to Sirius, practically rubbing up against him. It was a little game she enjoyed playing with James' friends. "Yes, Black," she murmured into his ear. "I know. James told me. He also told me that you were even better than our son. I must admit, I'm curious."

Sirius coughed nervously. "Well… I am pretty amazing," he said, smirking slightly.

Lily grinned mischievously. "Prove it," she said, pulling him into an empty classroom to get a lesson in Sirius Black's LoveWand.


	4. All work and no play, it's the Black way

No Work and All Play; It's the Black Way

Long after Lily left the classroom, Sirius laid on the teacher's desk, staring at the ceiling. He was deep in thought, or at least as deep as he ever got. He was thinking about the amazing time with James Potter, the awkward experience with Professor Dumbledore, and the astounding go with Lily Evans. He didn't even notice when the door opened.

"Well, well," said Pimp!Harry, smirking. "It looks like we have an extra model, Homione," he said as he grabbed her ass, smirking.

Homione giggled. "What do you want to do with him, Harry?" she asked.

Sirius sat upright, suddenly realizing that he was still naked from before. He reached for his pants to cover himself, but Harry pulled them away and threw them into the rubbish bin, smirking as he did so.

"No need for those," Harry said, smirking. "Homione," he demanded, still smirking. "Be a good little slut and arouse our guest." He paused briefly, still smirking. "Wait, it appears he's already aroused. Go take off your clothes and make yourself useful."

"Anything you say, Harry," Homione said sweetly, starting to unbutton her blouse.

Sirius watched, unable to turn away.

"Now as for you, my little Black bitch," Harry said, smirking as he turned back to Sirius. "Do you like showers?" He slowly started to unbuckle his pants, smirking.


	5. Look Before you Leap into Bed

Look Before You Leap…Into Bed

Sirius woke with a jolt. Staring up at the familiar ceiling of his and Moony's flat, he replayed his bizarre dream in his head. James and Lily made sense, because he spent enough time with them and, well, they both were kind of hot. But he was starting to think that something was wrong with him that he would fantasize about Professor Dumbledore and Pimp!Harry.

"You know, these games add a new and interesting dimension to our sex life," said a male voice. "If calling me Prongs turns you on…"

Sirius felt a warm hand move over his thigh. Moony's voice sounded a little different. Maybe he was getting a cold. "Um… Yeah.. About that. Weirdest dream…"

"The headmaster-thing was a bit strange, but if you want me to discipline you.. Five points from Gryffindor."

Sirius chuckled, eyes still closed, rolling toward Moony, wrapping a leg around him. "Har har," he said, running a hand through Moony's hair---

---which felt abnormally greasy. His eyes flew open to see himself nose-to-nose with a naked Severus Snape. "Snivellus!"


	6. Home is Where the Heart is

Home is Where the is

Sirius woke up screaming.

"All right, Padfoot?" asked a, Thank Merlin, familiar voice.

Sirius rolled across the bed, grabbing onto Moony's arm "I just had the most horrible dream!"

Moony nuzzled him comfortingly. "I hate nightmares too. They're such bloody wankers."

"Oh Moony, you know you're my mon amore, bon apetit. Je suis un loup garou."

"Oui oui. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce sois, Padfoot."

They both gave eachother a thumbs up and said "All Right."

The End


End file.
